Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

Psalms 119:105

Nearly 15 years ago I vulnerably set out to find God’s Message in my devastating circumstances.

2012 – I started this Blog after a life-changing miscarriage (shout out to all you O.G. subscribers).

2013-2016 – I kept it going as I experienced God’s grace in the midst of my divorce and my dad’s sudden death.

2020 – During a pandemic I wrote a book of memoirs in which I discovered a beautiful correlation between events from my messy life and every Book in the Bible.

2021 – I self published my book and said “yes” to Speaking Engagements and Women’s Retreats, where I shared my testimony and met many of you for the first time.

2023 – I started an email based, monthly-devotional club, sharing how God has faithfully kept His promise to give me a hope and a future.

When it comes to getting through the hard times my people have been invaluable to me! But their presence in my life was just a piece of the true peace that I longed for. It wasn’t until I looked carefully back on the hardest seasons of my life, recalling feelings of desperation and despair that I realized the most important piece that got me through: God’s Word. 

During my 3 miscarriages I clung to this verse from the Bible…  “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.”  (Jeremiah 1:5)  This meant that not only do we matter to God as a fetus, but we even mattered to Him before we were ever created. While I may not understand why I can’t hold my babies, I do find comfort in knowing Who is holding them now.  As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.  (Ecclesiastes 11:5)

  When my marriage of 18 years was dissolving and divorce was eminent, this scripture verse came to me amidst that very dark time…  But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  (2 Corinthians 4:7-9)  I must have read that section of scripture 100 times throughout that season. And as I leaned on Him and grew stronger and wiser, I eventually saw my incredible worth through God’s eyes. I realized that while He hates divorce and the pain it causes, He also understands when enough is enough.  I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.  (Leviticus 26:13)  Sometimes things have to change in order for His ultimate plan to be fulfilled.  “For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”  (Jeremiah 29:11) 

When my dad passed suddenly, I was perfectly positioned to take over Mom’s care (single with grown kids, and conveniently already living in my parent’s house). There was no doubt that this was the role God was calling me into, but how? What does this look like? It looks like the Book of Ruth where both mother and daughter are heartbroken. Ruth feels called to care for Naomi, and Mother Naomi feels like a burden now that she has lost her husband and provider. My mom and I read this story in the Bible together and cried. We were in awe as we realized how it mirrored our own season of life so beautifully. I love how Ruth’s response validated the words of my own heart…  But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.  (Ruth 1:16) 

Now that both my parents have passed and are experiencing new lives with Jesus and I have begun a new season of life; My messes in life may look different, but God’s Message isn’t – and there is wisdom to still be found within them. This inspires me to want to keep writing and sharing God’s faithfulness because He knows that “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33 

Often the stories I share show a light at the end of the tunnel. You will find that hope and redemption are my two favorite words. But what about those “Why God” moments that we can’t possibly make sense of or see our way through? Well, God even speaks into those…  For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.  (1 Corinthians 13:12 )  Meaning: here on earth, we are only able to see how hardships affect us. Our view through the mirror is but a reflection. Our limited understanding is based purely on what we see from our one-dimensional view. But God resides in a different dimension. He sees so much more happening beyond the mirror. Often times things we won’t be able to see until the mirror is lifted. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7) Here on earth we see what is physically happening, but once we see God face to face we shall fully understand what was going on beyond our view. This Biblical truth comforts me when nothing else can.

And when worry or fear begin to consume, remember…  You do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  (James 4:14)  For now, as we live in the mist, understand that our time here on earth is so short compared to Eternity. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18)

Thank you for letting me share my heart (and my messes) with you. My hope is that you too will find God’s message amidst the disappointments of this world. There is no reason to walk in fear when you allow God to hold your hand.

For I am the Lord your God  who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear; I will help you.” 

Isaiah 41:13