Replacement Therapy!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.
The old has passed away; behold the new has come.
2 Corinthians 5:17

Have you ever uttered the phrase, “If I could do it again, I’d do it differently.” While we can’t go back and change the past, sometimes we’re given the opportunity for a do-over with a new outcome. I was given this chance when I married for the second time. Finding someone like-minded to start over in life with definitely felt like a blessing beyond measure. But with a combined total of over 100 years of experiences and memories apart from each other (my 50 yrs + his 51 yrs) , becoming one would surely have its challenges. In addition, Joey’d been previously married for 22 years and I’d been previously married for 18. That added up to 40 years of memories with different ~~life~~ partners. It’s not easy to think about, but it’s a reality that we both needed to recover from.

RECOVER: (verb) Return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength. Be well again. Regain possession or control of.

RECOVER: (Luke 18:42) And Jesus said to him, “Recover your sight; your faith has made you well.”

Whatever it is in life you wish you could un-do, re-do, or not-have-done-at-all…take heart…you CAN recover! God acknowledges the fact that – in this world we will have troubles… but He has overcome the world. (John 16:33)

A big part of recovery for Joey and I started with what I like to call: Replacement Therapy… We were about a week into dating when we began facing the truth that certain places, songs, movies, and dates on the calendar were readily associated with a relationship that wasn’t ours.

I remember asking Joey on our third date, “Tell me about the tattoos on your arm!” When he spoke of the one depicting his favorite place: Santa Barbara – I got excited! I’d driven my son, Ryan, back and forth countless times to UCSB for drop-offs, pick-ups, and visits but never really stopped to take in the sights.

As I admired the tattoo etched into Joey’s shoulder I seized the opportunity and suggested, “Take me to the Santa Barbara Courthouse. I’ve heard it’s beautiful but I’ve never been.”

Joey agreed and we made plans to go on his next day off work. That Friday as we drove up the coast, he felt compelled to disclose that the Santa Barbara Courthouse was where he and his former wife were married (hence the tattoo).

Ouch!

While I appreciated his honesty, I felt sick to my stomach knowing that was the memory he would forever be attached to. Then I heard this proclamation leave my lips, “New Memory!”

I’m not sure what made me say that (other than my perpetual attempt to quickly fill awkward pauses) never-the-less, it made Joey chuckle.

Inwardly, we both knew that we were never going to be able to erase the old memory, so we would just have to actively replace it with a new one. We stopped for lunch at Santa Barbara Chicken Ranch (another of Joey’s past favorites) and enjoyed every delicious minute of making it our own. After a successful first session of Replacement Therapy, we anxiously drove to see the SB Courthouse for the first time together.

Needless to say we had a fabulous and memorable time exploring this beautiful place through fresh eyes, and from that day forward Joey’s tattoo took on a brand new meaning for both of us.

As we drove back down the coast, Joey asked if I would be up for one more new memory to end our date. (Of Course!) He pulled the car over and we walked down a set of steep stairs leading to the beach. Joey kicked off his sandals, laid out a blanket, and placed his Bible on top. He then proceeded to tell me that over the last year he has come here regularly to read his Bible and ask God to heal his broken heart. He now refers to this spot as his Healing Rock. It’s where God healed him from the pain of divorce and the additional losses that came with that pain. And on this day filled with hope, he felt inspired to stop and share this spot with me.

Joey went on to say that whenever he came here he would read a Proverb and a Psalm based on whatever day of the month it was. That day was September 13, 2021, so we sat together on his Healing Rock and read Proverbs 13 followed by Psalms 13. (see below)

We both teared up as we read in awe of how faithful God had been to both of us.

Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Psalm 13
How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
    Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.

Though we weren’t together during our own personal healing-rock-moments, we had the same unfailing God hearing our similar cries of despair, followed by a prayer of hope for better days ahead. Only the Lord could take what was seemingly hopeless, and replace it with a new memory that will be shared and cherished forever.

Update: After that trip to Santa Barbara, Joey and I saw each other everyday for the next 7 months leading up to our engagement in March of 2022 … we eloped 3 weeks later. This year (4/6/26) we celebrated our 4 year anniversary and the blessing of countless New Memories!

Recently, Santa Barbara has given us even more New Memories! In June we took pictures on the healing-rock for Joey’s new Music Endeavor, now available on joeyrichardsmusic.com and on July 1, 2026 my son Ryan and beautiful Akiah were married at the Santa Barbara Courthouse!