In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Psalm 4:8

When I was a little girl, for years, my dad would tuck me into bed and sing me Lullaby. I’m not sure of the official lyrics to this song, but here is what I fell asleep to:

My dad would sing these 4 lines over and over again until I eventually drifted into a coma like state and was completely at peace. Most times I would be conscience enough to sense him leave my side, and tip toe out the room. I smiled inwardly, at the thought of him proudly believing he successfully got me to sleep.

I know I was little, but I remember it vividly.

Many years later, when I too became a parent, I instinctively found myself singing this very same song, with modification to one word:

Lullaby…go to sleep…for your mommy is watching….

Lullaby…go to sleep…for your mommy is here.

Lullaby …go to sleep…for your mommy is watching…

Lullaby…go to sleep…for your mommy loves you.

As I would tip toe out of my son’s room, I truly understood the heart felt satisfaction my Dad must have experienced knowing your child is at peace, and you helped them get there.

On January 18, 2016 at 2am my dad collapsed into a coma onto the bathroom floor. The blood clot being treated in his leg had now found it’s way to his brain. My mom heard him collapse, but due to her inability to get out of bed, she could do nothing but yell out for help. She called out my name for hours, but her voice wasn’t strong enough to reach my room at the end of the hall. It wasn’t until 7am that I would wake up and be able to come to their rescue.

Forty-five minutes later, I stood over him in the ER looking at his Cat Scan, listening to the doctor explain that the bleeding around his brain was massive. My dad could possibly survive, by cracking his skull to release the pressure on his brain. But after already being unconscious for hours, irreparable damage had surely been done. The doctor then informed me he would most likely be in a vegetative state for the remainder of his life.

Per my parent’s Advanced Directive, it was his wish to not resuscitate or extend life beyond what his own body could handle. So, the decision to allow his body to shut down naturally and drift from this life to the next, was already made years ago, by him.

He looked just like he did whenever he would fall asleep watching television in his chair; his head cocked to one side, mouth open, and quiet audible breathing to be heard.

What happened next I was not prepared for. The song… our song… the lullaby; it began to chime from inside the hospital room. I literally shook my head, in disbelief, for surely I was delusional and the sound was just in my imagination. My sister, who was standing on the other side of the bed, looked at me with wide tearful eyes, I knew she heard it too. I glanced back at my dad, sleeping so peacefully and I began to mentally place the words to the lullaby in accordance to the chimes. Except this time, the song was being sung to him. Not by me, but by his Heavenly Father…

Lullaby…go to sleep…for your Father is watching….

Lullaby…go to sleep…for your Savior is here.

Lullaby …go to sleep…for your Father is watching…

Lullaby…go to sleep…for your Daddy loves you.

A moment later, a nurse walks in and casually asks, “Did you hear the lullaby chimes?” I stared back at her; a loss for words. She smiled and continued, “Lullaby chimes play through out the whole hospital, each time a baby is born in our delivery room.”

God’s timing is always perfect. He wanted me to hear that song in this moment, in just this place. My dad should have been brought to Kaiser Hospital, but due to the urgency, a last second decision was made to bring him to a nearby hospital. The same hospital that had brought my sister and youngest son into the world… and now a baby that would be used to bring a message from the Lord. It was in that moment I could clearly feel my Father’s arms around me as I placed mine around my dad.

Exactly one week later, my dad finished sleeping …and I’m sure woke to see the face of the One who has always been watching, has always been here, and has always loved you.

Update:

In the days, weeks, months, and years to come. I would see this lived out through my sons. While the hardship of losing their Papa was devastating, the joy of watching them help me care for their Mimi was beautiful. The sacrificial love that my dad had shown for my mom, was carried out by my boys. This trial shaped them into the compassionate, caring, and understanding men they are today.